


Almost

by OfLegalAge



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 3x06, Angst, Character Death, Drabble, F/M, Spoilers, i don't really know how to tag yet?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4288179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfLegalAge/pseuds/OfLegalAge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paul is righting his wrongs and Sarah isn't ready for goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago & it is my (lame & very short) attempt of dealing with my feelings after 3x06.

“Paul?” Sarah smacks an open palm against the bars separating them as he turns to leave. “Paul, I love you.” The words taste dirty, forced and dishonest on her tongue but she says them again anyways as she rattles the bars violently, desperately trying to keep him from leaving. The fear is paralyzing when it sinks in that he plans to die here—that he plans to atone by martyring himself and going out in a blaze of redemption and glory or some other shite like that. 

The panic settles uncomfortably in her chest when he shifts back to face her and she presses her forehead against the bars, speaking urgently. “I love you, yeah? C’mon, open the gate.”

“No, you don’t.” His tone is not accusing or bitter—just blunt. Sarah smiles wryly, remembering that Paul is trained military—not some fool she can trick with pretty words.

“I could’ve loved you,” the words are out of her mouth before she realizes how much she means them. Paul is just like her in so many ways—good and bad—and being with him had been like finding a piece of herself she hadn’t known was missing and she had felt warm, understood and whole with him until everything went to hell. “I almost did.”

He looks at her like that is enough—like he understands and accepts why the two of them have _if onlys_ and _almosts;_ and his acceptance sets off her panic anew when she remembers Amelia dying in her arms and Katja in Beth’s backseat.

“You can’t save us all, Sarah.” He speaks with a finality and frankness she had at one time found reassuring but now feels like a knife twisting in her heart. She begins rattling at the bars again as he walks away calling his name with hopeless pleas.

“It was never Beth I loved.”

“Goodbye Paul.” Sarah finally manages to choke out when he is long gone and his last words to her are buried in the most selfish part of her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say this was one of my favourite episodes along right alongside Parts Developed in an Unusual Manner and Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est and this was just my pathetic sad fan way of dealing with the death of bae :(
> 
> Also, I know this is a rather small fandom so I don’t expect much feedback but if you do leave a comment… go easy, this is the first thing I’ve written in almost two years.
> 
> xoxox


End file.
